Thursday, March 6, 2014

Dear Chloe

Hi Chloebear
You are 3 years and 4 months old
     You are asking very intelligent questions/statements about Austin these days.
      " When is Austin coming back from heaven...to my house?"
      " You said I would see him again but its been a really long time, its been like two weeks."
      "I want Austin to come back from heaven and come back to my house, because he is my best friend."
       " When can we take him out of the grave and bring him back with us?"
      Most times I can field these questions without flinching giving you an age appropriate loving response, but sometimes Chloe you may notice mom changes the subject or calls dad at work to help us with some of your questions.....Sometimes you wisdom and innocence clench my chest so tight that I can't breath let alone respond.....but I am trying my best.
   
    You are obsessed with drawing faces and as of late you are drawing our family....You never once  have forgotten Austin......
      He is always the smallest little face.....you always use a red marker to make his face because that is Austin's favorite color.
      Every night at prayers we ask you to finish the statement "God bless...." you finish.....
          "Mom, dad, Chloe......(here I hold my breath every time) and Austin......." "and fluffy puppy"....."and Scott" ........."and cookies" I am so glad you say Austins name.

I was looking through some picture to put on Austin's headstone........99% of these pictures you are right there with him....not because I asked you to come over for a photo opp, but because like me, you wanted to be near him and feel his soft skin.....I was looking at these pictures when I realized you not only lost your brother but your first real best friend......I bet you are confused and I can't image such a complex feeling as grief at 3 years old......but you seem so articulate and an old soul and managing well..........
       You are also very much a 3 year old.......You test me constantly. You are pushing the limits to see what you and your cute animated face can get away with...... I am learning how to teach you right from wrong without squashing your spirit and light......I love how outgoing and friendly you are.....Ever thing with Gusto......Ev-ery-thing! At gymnastic other moms make comments about you.....I hear things like "born leader, its in her blood"........"she has so much expression"........"shes only 3, she has great vocabulary".......I glow with pride......always....except when you throw a fit when it's time to leave good times park.....as If I am a stranger stealing you......we gotta work on that one.....

There is 6 weeks until the Because We Can Blankets for Babies event in Bismarck....You are so helpful, with fabric and folding and snuggle testing the fabric for the babies........I hope when you look back at this time you are proud of your dad and I. I hope you understand how important being humble and having a philanthropic drive is........Your dad and I exchange glances all the time at each other when you talk.....we look at each other as if to say..."oh my god she is the cutest, smartest, little lady I have ever seen.....can you believe we made her?!!!"

Because We Can presents Blankets for Babies
OPEN TO THE PUBLIC
Saturday April 12th 5pm
Sixteen03 Event Center Bismarck ND
Join us for a night to remember