Sunday, February 1, 2015

Unstoppable

The message at church today was titled "Unstoppable." It got me thinking....like every good church should do. Growing up I always felt unstoppable. I always had an I-got-this an Eye-of-the-tiger kinda of mentality. Growing up wasn't at all easy and I was given an extraordinary amount of responsibility at a very young age (as the oldest children of divorce tend to have) My childhood only amplified my Eye-of-the-tiger..I-got-this mentality. Somewhere along my life this mentality morphed into me doing everything for myself. EVERYTHING. If you are close to me, you have offered help in some way or another. And what have I said? "No, but thank you though!" Sound familiar? I had a friend finally say, "JUST LET ME LOVE YOU!" and it hit me... I have not only done this in my relationships with close friends but with God and my faith too.... "I got this".....push the fear and anxiety down...."No thanks, I got this"....I'll figure something out all by myself...."I got this" For those of you who may not know, I am 6 months pregnant with our 3rd child. (its another girl!) And as you can imagine this time has been laced with fear and intertwined with anxiety....Having a normal pregnancy with Austin and then having everything fall apart the way it did.....All of it.....being pregnant again it just instills a fear....BUT I would be crippled by this process if I didn't hear His words recently... "Just let me love you....let me help you...." I know if I didn't have my faith this process would be completely unbearable. The fear would swallow me whole. No doubt. But God's persistence and love and by allowing Him in, has benefitted me tremendously. I know my faith in God doesn't mean I will get a perfectly healthy baby, and my delivery will be perfect and everything will be perfect perfect perfect....what it does mean is no matter what happens, I will be okay. We will be okay. For me, letting others love me and take care of me is not easy. I will continue to work on it. But I am so grateful for those in my life who show me how. Namely, my husband. Talk about an exercise in persistence. You, sir, love me at my most unloveable. 11 years of work and patience....you deserve the worlds largest, prettiest, most fantastic metal....but I guess you will have to settle with your 3 children and my love that will have to do...............Sarah, Nicole and Shelly, Thank you for your persistence, INSISTENCE, and patience with me. I have learned so much about myself through your love. I will let you love me!!!!
With Unstoppable Love, Austin's Mom