Today, I told someone she had the coolest eyes
To me, they are rare and beautiful and unique
.... to her they have been trouble (medically)......
It made me think of sharing something......
Sometimes what we see is not what everyone else see's... but it is what our heart sees
Ok
I want to share something those of you who did not/couldn't attend Austin’s funeral may not know…………….I have been wanting to share this for a long time and today feels like the day
We were on our way to the visitation. Surreal moment. My
beautiful husband and his bloodshot eyes……the deafening silence…….the knots in
our stomach……the impending unimaginable……
We were floating on your prayers and with
heavy souls we walking inside that building
Walking into that room and seeing
his tiny white casket from a distance
Justin stayed back for a second……I walked/flew forward
I
should preface this with the following…….
When we left Austin at the hospital
after his passing, I was wondering how on earth they were going to make Austin
look presentable? I was very concerned and it consumed the majority of my
thoughts since we had left him at the hospital.
I ran/walked up to him…..
I held my breath……..
and there he
was……
I felt the tingles run through my entire body……not the good tingles……the
angry tingles………
Austin’s face was snow white…….not a spot of birthmark…..not a
single marking………..
”they put too much makeup on him…….”
The thought pierced my head like a needle…..I felt my
anger rising deep, deep from my gut…..
how dare they……did they not look at
the pictures???
I felt Justin walking up behind me…..I spun around
and snapped…..”they put too much make up on him!.......I don't know who this is.”
Poor Justin, I didn't even let him absorb anything……
How could this happen!….I looked over at the poster sized
picture of my beautiful, big birth-marked son…..and I looked down and saw
another version of my Austin…. a version someone else thought was “perfect” (little
did I know Who)………
I spun around searching the big empty room for the funeral
director…..I tried to contain my pain and rage at him………..
“You put too much makeup on him” the hair on the back of my
neck stood…..this must be what a wild animal protecting her offspring feels
like, man I was heated
”Crystal, there was no birthmark….even when I picked him up
from the hospital…. before I even worked on him.”
“No you don’t understand….this is what he supposed to look
like"…..I pointed at the gargantuan picture….
“Can we lift up his shirt……"(I was still scared to touch him
at that point) "I can show you what color he should be……….."
“Sure….but……….”
I didn’t hear anything after that…….he lifted his shirt…..and
there….on his chest…
the same snow white color as on his face……..
”They wouldn’t put makeup on
his chest……”
the thought washed over me like a warm smile, a bright light………
Austins birthmark was
gone………everything……..his chest, his back, his leg, his toes, his face and head……all
gone, every spot of it………
He was in his Heavenly body……….
His lack of birthmark
could probably be explained by science…..but this was not science……this was
just another sign…..perhaps the biggest sign………
Austin has no more birthmark and no more seizures in Heaven….
no more medicine and glaucoma surgeries in Heaven……
no more pokes and endocrine issues in Heaven……
no more neuroblastoma cancer scares and scalp IV’s in Heaven,
no more G-tube and aspiration in Heaven……
no more trachea malasia and 15 doses of medication a day in
Heaven……
no more oxygen issues and no more muscle issues in Heaven………..
no
more
pain..in Heaven
